Seven hours in Tokyo

April 1st, early Thursday morning...
4.30: Alarm goes off. Arrghhh. Turn off alarm. Five more minutes, just five more minutes....

5.17: Oh Christ! Feck!! Shite!! Fecky shite feck!!!! Jump out of bed. Well, would have jumped out of bed if I hadn't been sleeping on the floor (Cian was sick so he shared the 'big bed' with Mammy. I had to sleep on the kitchen floor. And who bought the bloody bed, eh? Who? Who?)

5.18: Wake unconscious Japanese person in the 'big bed'. Tell her the time. Greeted with the Japanese equivalent of 'Oh Christ! Feck!! Shite!! Fecky shite feck!!!!'

6.00: Car crunches gravel as I shoot down the driveway like Jason Button on steroids. It usually takes us 90 minutes to get to the airport. The plane leaves at 7.30. That gives us, math's fans, exactly 90 minutes to get there. Envision us tearing down the runway forcing ANA Flight 470 to abort its takeoff while Sanae tries to wrestle open the emergency door.

6.34: Pass under a flyover bridge with a banner announcing that April is 'Safety Driving Month' in Hokkaido. Or rather, pass under a flyover bridge with a banner announcing that April is 'Safety Driving Month' in Hokkaido at just over 125 km/h.

7.05: Arrive at New Chitose Airport. Other banners seen along the way include 'Drive safely - keep within the speed limit'; 'Hokkaido - the safety driving land'; and my favourite, 'Beware! Bears!'.

7.30: Safely on plane.

9.05: Arrive in Tokyo. A different country. Spring is here - greenery everywhere, cherry blossoms too. Take the into the city centre. Buildings, people, cars, trains, more buildings, high buildings too. And trees, green trees, lots of them. Try not to act too excited in case locals realize we are Hokkaido culchies and start mocking our backward, sub-arctic ways. As the sun is shining and the temperature is well into double figures we throw caution to the winds and decide to walk from the train station to the bank. Mistake. Am sweating when we arrive at the bank. Make mental note to shave too abundant chest hair next time I come to Tokyo.

10.20: Shown into rather plain meeting room on the 11th floor with a partial view of Hibiya Park. Still trying to hide out mucker backgrounds so act suitably unimpressed.

10.35: Nice woman who approved our homeloan from Nice Johnny Foreigner Bank comes into the room. Want to act reserved and aloof but end up simpering our gratitude for her beneficence. Have to restrain Sanae from groveling before her.

11.25: After some arcane financial speak about 'mortgage repayments', 'fixed term interest rates', and 'disembowelment penalty clauses' , I sign some documents in Japanese I don't understand and leave the room in hoc for what will probably be the rest of my life. Sanae seems happy though, and that is what's most important.

12.15: Go for a walk. In the searing, nineteen degree celsius heat. That's middle of July weather up in the great frozen north. End up at Zojoji Temple which is garlanded with white and pink cherry trees in full bloom. Sanae attempts to tell me a potted history of the temple. I, as per usual, pretend to listen. As far as I can gather it involved this samurai killing another samurai and then 49 of the dead samurai's family, friends and assorted hangers-on coming to the temple and avenging the death of their relative, friend, and dude they used to know, by killing the first samurai. I'm not too sure why it took 49 of them but obviously they were leaving nothing too chance. Too celebrate their successful homicide, the 49 then built Tokyo Tower behind Zojoji as a monument to their murderous intent. As I said, I'm surmising here.

13.05: Being in Tokyo, the culinary capital of Japan, we have lunch in a Chinese restaurant.

14.00: Nice lunch too.

15.00: It's too hot to walk around so we retire to a cafe, eat ice cream and watch the bullet trains go by. Ahh, the excitement of urban life.

16.30: Fly back to Hokkaido all aglow with our new found bright-lights, big-city cosmopolitanism.

18.05: Arrive at Shin Chitose Airport. It's dark, cold and raining. Our 'aglow' quickly washes off.

20.00: Arrive home (but not for much longer!) No bears seen. Cian excited to see Mammy and Daddy again, but way more excited by the ANA airplane set we've brought him back.

22.00: Before falling asleep on the floor (again), realize that today was the easy part. From now we have to start packing and preparing to move house.

Wish I were a bear.

Have enough chest hair to pass for one.