"But what's kid to do, Doc? It's the undokai, Doc, I mean, c'mon, I've been training for it all year. You think I'm going to blow my and Red team's chance of glory? Especially when everyone knows White team are coked up to their eyeballs and so strung out on amphetamines that they haven't slept since June."
Anyway, after Cian's rather uninspired stretching routine they were straight into battle in the 20 yard dash.
And Cian came third. Out of four runners. As was beaten by a girl. A small girl too. For shame. Cian, echoing his father's excuse for his often ropey displays at full forward on the St. Finian's Junior B team, put it down to "a bad pint he had the night before".
Next to the tricky eye-hand coordination team contest of throwing balls into nets. Oh yeah, sounds easy, you reckon. Well, just go ahead and try it some time.
I think the team tactic here was "to spread chaos and carnage in all directions", which, admittedly, isn't the most appropriate tactic to take when the aim is to put balls in a ridiculously high net.
On to the 'Fame!' moment, which I suspect, was the highlight of Cian's day. This comes in two parts, to allow you to catch your breath after the first one minute fifteen seconds of Nureyev-like poetry in motion.
And part two, if you can stand to take the emotional intensity of it all.
Alright, that's enough for one day. I reckon you'll all should go and lie down in a dark place now until your fevered minds learn to cope with what you've just been privileged to witness.
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