Thursday 6 September 2012

Battleship


It has been pointed out to me by a reader who wishes to remain anonymous but who, for the sake of convenience, I shall call 'that Japanese woman', that my posts of late have (a) been essentially solipsistic exercises in navel gazing; (b) have had little to do with Cian or the wider Gaynor-Takahashi family, which is ostensibly the raison d'etre of this blog; and (c) and have featured a lot of hairy navel gazing and overt displays of devastating chest rug.
So, to remedy that this is the first in a series of Cian heavy blogs that will feature a lot of pictures of battleships, dinosaurs, segways and zero hirusteness. No matter how much you clamour for it, Mella.
First the battleship. Last weekend saw the Japanese Marine Self Defense Forces' 2,500 tonne, Abukuma class destroyer Oyodo visit Muroran in celebration of the port's 140th anniversary. And yes, the Marine Self Defense Forces is what Japan has instead of a navy, just as they don't have an army, but rather the Ground Self Defense Forces and yes, you've guessed it, no air force either, instead they have the Air Self Defense Forces.
Anyway, the navy, sorry Marine etc., etc., were having an open day on the ship in an effort to sway impressionable young minds into joining the navy, sorry, the Marine etc., etc. Being the highly impressionable sort, myself, Cian and 'that Japanese woman' went along for the walk around.

Cian wasted no time in heading straight for the bridge where, in the role he was so obviously born for, he immediately assumed command and ordered gunnery sergeant  Sanae to "loose off a couple of rounds" from the forward 76mm, just to "let the goddamned Chinese know we're not going to take any more shit over the Senkakus".

This was duly done, which successfully saw the Shin Nihon Seikyu oil depots on the far side of the bay being blown to smithereens. "That'll let Beijing know we mean business" said Cian, going below to the Captain's cabin for some celebratory drinks at 12 bells and some Louis Armstrong covers.

Meanwhile 'that Japanese woman' was out on the poop deck caressing the HOS-301 triple 324mm torpedo tubes whilst looking longingly at the Chinese iron ore carrier docked at the Shin Nitetsu factory wharf.

I did manage to get a furtive shot of some top secret, classified, highly confidential information on the bridge, but when I tried to sell it to the Chinese, they, unbelievably, said they were not interested in shelling out the big Yuan for the Muroran tide times. So I got Cian to wake up the 76 and lob some at the tug boats circling the harbour just to let those sons of Mao know we were still 'mad as hell and not going to take it anymore'.

A good day then had by all.

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