Last Friday morning I was sitting in my office doing various academic things like, ahem, checking the wave report on Tenki.jp, when there was a knock on my door. Being the convivial Irishman that I am, I said hai, (Japanese for 'yes'). A man I didn't know entered my room, explained he was from the Japanese Red Cross and they were looking for blood donations. They had a mobile unit parked in front of the main building and they were eager for both students and faculty to donate. He inquired as to my blood type and when I told him O, his eyes lit up and he strongly urged me to come along and give 800ml of the finest Irish blood this side of Howth. As Tenki.jp had shown zero wave action forecast for the day, I figured, sure, why not. Seems I would get a free pack of cup noodles for my selflessness.
So, I went down to the temporary reception area they had set up just outside the mobile unit. There I had to fill in a form asking all sorts of personal questions, such as 'Have you ever had risky sex', to which I replied, 'Only in my car whilst driving'.
Us Irish, red-blooded and funny.
Anyway, I was ticking all the 'No' boxes ('No, I haven't been to West Africa lately'), when I came to the following question: 'Since 1980, have you ever lived in another country for more than 12 months?'. To which my obvious answer was 'yes, Ireland, where I grew up. Greatest country in the world'.
This though, seemed to trouble the man at reception. 'Ireland?' he said, in the sort of voice he would have probably used if my answer had been 'North Korea'. He reached behind him and pulled out a large ring folder, blew the dust off it, and began to flip through it. 'Please wait a moment' he muttered. He got to the end of the folder and obviously having not found what he was looking for, started again from the front.
No luck either the second time, so again he said 'Ireland?', followed by 'ummm' and another 'please wait a moment'. Then he got up and went in to the mobile unit.
A few moments passed. I waited.
He reappeared with the classic Japanese head-partially-bowed-bashful-look on his face which clearly signals that an embarrassing apology is imminent.
'Ahh, I am very sorry but, eh, we have no information about Ireland'.
'What?!'
'We have no information about Ireland so, we, ehh, can't accept your blood. I am very sorry'.
I stumbled away shocked. No information about Ireland?! The Japanese Red Cross have no information about the Irish and their blood! How? Why? Who?
Are we so remote from the Orient that news has yet to filter through of modern Ireland's dynamic society where we have such things as running water, electricity, and gay marriage? Does the Irish Embassy in Tokyo know of this state of affairs? Is an affirmative promotional campaign necessary? - 'Irish blood is good. Accept donations now'.
And no cup noodles either.
Should've asked him if he'd not heard of that War(rior) horse from our fair land last year, when he came and conquered the best of what Japan could muster, with power, pace and a good thrashing from Ruby Walsh!
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